How to Become More Sexually Active: A Holistic Approach to Reigniting Desire

Let's start with the good news: reconnecting with your sexual self is absolutely possible, and it doesn’t have to feel forced or overwhelming.

Now, imagine this: You're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, your partner asleep next to you. You can’t help but feel more than a little disconnected—both from them and from yourself. It’s been weeks (or maybe months? you've lost track) since you felt any real spark of desire. You just don't feel sexy in general.

The thought crosses your mind: “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I want sex anymore?”

You’ve tried everything (or at least, that's how it feels...), but no matter how hard you try to switch things on, your body just isn’t responding. The frustration is building. You want to feel that intimacy again, to reignite that spark, but you’re just stuck in a cycle of wishing and feeling guilty for not wanting at the same time.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.

Many of us go through periods where our sexual energy feels out of reach, especially in a world where stress, responsibilities, and even our own thoughts can dampen desire.

But, as I mentioned, there is good news! You can overcome this dry spell!!

And it starts with understanding your body, your mind, and how they can work together to reawaken that sexual energy.

Understanding Your Body: The Key to Reigniting Sexual Energy

The first step to becoming more sexually active again is understanding that desire isn’t just something that comes and goes randomly. It’s deeply connected to your body, your nervous system, and even how you’re feeling emotionally. When life gets overwhelming, it’s no surprise that your sexual energy takes a backseat. But here’s where the holistic approach comes in.

One of the biggest roadblocks to feeling sexually active is stress. Your nervous system is a powerful player in your sexual energy—when it’s in “fight or flight” mode, it can shut down any desire you might hope to feel. So, to reignite your desire, focus on calming your nervous system. Mindful breathing practices, embodied movement like yoga, or even a quiet walk outside can help you down-regulate and shift your body into a more relaxed state. Even something as simple as humming can stimulate your vagus nerve, responsible for calming your nervous system, and release jaw and pelvic floor tension. You can check out my Humming Playlist here. When your body is relaxed, your sexual energy has more room to flow.

Try this: Take five minutes in your day to practice deep belly breathing. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Keep your belly soft and try to breathe just through your nose. This simple practice helps shift your body out of stress mode and back into a deeper sense of ease, allowing more space for your body to feel safe to experience desire and pleasure.

Reconnect with Pleasure (In All Areas of Life)

When we talk about becoming more sexually active, the conversation often focuses solely on sex. But pleasure isn’t limited to the bedroom—it’s something that can be cultivated in all areas of life. In fact, learning to embrace small moments of pleasure can be a powerful way to reignite your sexual energy. Check out my free Simple Pleasure guide here.

Start by focusing on what brings you joy in everyday life. Is it the warmth of the sun on your skin? A delicious cup of coffee in the morning? The feeling of fresh sheets on your bed? Allow yourself to sink into these moments, savoring them fully. As you train your mind and body to notice and appreciate pleasure, you’ll naturally start to feel more connected to your sexual energy as well.

Here’s a tip: Write down three things that bring you pleasure (not sexually) every day, even if they’re small. This practice helps you become more attuned to pleasure in general, which translates to a greater connection with your sexual self.

Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs

Another important aspect of reigniting your sexual energy is addressing any limiting beliefs that might be holding you back. Thoughts like “I’m just not sexy enough,” “I don’t really feel like I deserve pleasure,” or “It’s been too long, I won’t be able to enjoy sex again” can create mental blocks that prevent you from fully engaging in your sexual energy.

These beliefs often stem from past experiences, societal pressure, or even how we’ve been conditioned to think about sex and pleasure. The good news is that you have the power to reframe these beliefs. Start by acknowledging them without judgment, then actively choose to rewrite the narrative.

Instead of “I’m not sexy enough,” try “My body is worthy of love and pleasure just as it is.” Instead of “It’s been too long,” try “I’m allowed to take my time to reconnect with my sexual energy.” The way we talk to ourselves can have a huge impact on how we feel about our sexuality.

The Role of Self-Care in Becoming Sexually Active Again

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days—though those are lovely! In the context of becoming more sexually active, self-care means nourishing your body, mind, and spirit in ways that support your overall well-being. This might look like making time for rest, setting boundaries around work or family obligations, or even indulging in activities that make you feel good about yourself.

When you care for your body, you’re telling yourself that you deserve to feel good. And when you believe that, your sexual energy will follow.

Conclusion: Becoming more Sexually Active with Ease

Remember that night lying in bed, feeling a bit disconnected? What if that moment wasn’t a signal that something was wrong, but rather an invitation—a gentle nudge to reconnect with your body and your desire in a new way? The good news is that you’ve already begun that process simply by taking the time to read this blog in full. By taking these steps to slow down, nurture your nervous system, and tune into pleasure in all its forms, you’re not just waiting for your desire to return—you’re actively creating space for it to thrive.

This journey isn’t about pushing yourself or forcing something that isn’t there. It’s about gently rediscovering the magic of your own sexual energy, one mindful breath and one joyful moment at a time.

The spark of desire you’ve been missing?

It’s still within you, ready to be reawakened as you take these simple but powerful steps toward feeling sexually alive again.